


in your homeland they all call you queen

by bottlefullofarsenic



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst got in here somehow, Badass Rey, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, Inspired by Music, Kylo Ren Backstory, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Multi, Protective Kylo Ren, SO MUCH FLUFF, Song Lyrics, Songfic, The reylo is more implied than anything, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and finally, but it's there so i'm tagging it, i'm done with tagging, seriously, there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:53:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottlefullofarsenic/pseuds/bottlefullofarsenic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was acutely aware that when he walked out of the quarters he would instantly be Kylo Ren: Dad, no matter if he was wearing the mask or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in your homeland they all call you queen

**Author's Note:**

> Hooray for 2 am ideas! Technically, this is my first published work on here. So yay for that, I guess? I didn't edit this or have the motivation to, so I apologize for any errors. 
> 
> The song I was inspired by is "Ruby" by Twenty One Pilots. Although it's not required to listen to understand the story, it's precious and a good song.
> 
> Without any more rambling, here's the story!

**_//Ruby, I hope I see you_ **  
**_I’ve waited all this week_ **  
**_for you to walk my way,_ **  
**_your soul will capture me.//_ **

_“Ben, c’mon!” Poe chirped, waving for the taller boy._

_The six year old ran after his friend, giggling in glee. It was times like this where Ben Solo could forget the Scary Man who spoke to him. The Man told him to do bad things, like hurt Poe or Mama or Daddy. But he knew that he wasn’t supposed to do those things; they got him in trouble and were mean._

_Every once in awhile, the voice of the Scary Man would get louder whenever Ben was mad or scared or sad. That made Ben even more unhappy, but it helped if he played with Uncle Chewie or Poe._

_“Do the trick!” Poe yelled, waving about his arms. The curly black mop of hair on his head shook as he bounced up and down in excitement._

_“Okay,” Ben agreed, nodding just as furiously as Poe was jumping._

_He held out his hand and concentrated on one of the leaves in front of him. Slowly, ever so slowly, the leaf floated upwards. Its movements were jerky; sometimes it wouldn’t move, just hover there, but then there was a sudden burst of power and it shot up a few inches._

_Poe giggled, reaching out tentatively and touching the leaf. His brown eyes shone with curiosity. Ben smiled at him, proud that he could impress his friend._

_Suddenly, he felt the bad headache that usually came with the Scary Man talking to him, and sure enough soon a booming voice started talking to him._

_“HURT HIM, BEN SOLO. YOU HAVE THE INSTINCT, DON’T YOU? ACT ON IT. FOLLOW IN YOUR GRANDFATHER’S FOOTSTEPS. FINISH WHAT HE STARTED.” The voice crooned to Ben._

_“Get out of my head!” Ben whimpered, tearing up from the pain of his headache._

_“What did you say, Ben?” Poe asked, looking up the leaf in concern for his friend._

_“KILL POE DAMERON. DO IT,” the Scary Man commanded._

_The raven-haired six year old screwed up his eyes, clapping his hands over his ears. Poe took a step forward, but Ben unintentionally Force Pushed him away. The leaf dropped, and then there was a terrible creaking noise._

_Poe looked up in a panic, and to his horror saw one of the branches from the gigantic tree they were playing under falling._

_Before anything horrible happened, however, the branch was suspended midair. Ben turned around, tears streaking his cheeks, to see Uncle Luke concentrating on the branch. Leia, who had been home for the weekend, ran towards him and crouched down to his level._

_“Mama, The Scary Man said f-for me to hurt Poe,” Ben explained, his hands shaking and words stumbling in his panic. Leia’s eyes softened. “I-I couldn’t help it, he was hurting my head and I wanted it to stop-” Ben continued, but Leia interrupted._

_“Did you make that branch fall?” She asked, and when Ben hesitated she added, “It won’t get you in trouble.”_

_Ben nodded, the tears gathering in his eyes. Leia sighed, wrapping her arms around her son while his tiny frame shook as he sobbed._

_In the background, Luke was talking to Poe and making sure he was okay, and the now-familiar shape of the Millennium Falcon was disappearing into the sky._

-

Kylo Ren awoke with a gasp, sitting bolt upright. As his eyes adjusted to the familiar bare walls of his living quarters, his breathing slowed and his eyes dried.

He moved to get out of bed when a bolt of pain ran through his head. Kylo stilled for a moment, these headaches familiar to him now like the back of his own hand. Snoke had been his mind last night; had he seen the dream?

Kylo worried about if the dream would be a sign of weakness to the Supreme Leader as he dressed himself, and he was about to fit his new helmet onto his head when a sleepy and grumpy voice said, “Papa, I had a nigh’mare.”

Sighing internally, Kylo turned around to face his daughter. Padme’s bright green eyes were screwed up in exhaustion, and her wavy black hair that she inherited from him was tangled. She was clutching her tattered Ewok doll like a lifeline.

Honestly, Kylo had forgotten about his daughter, so caught up in his thoughts. But now he remembered that, yes, there was another person in his quarters and they needed his attention.

“I’m sorry, Padme,” he said softly, putting down his helmet. She was about to complain again when she spotted the helmet, and her eyes lit up.

“Can I come with you?” She asked, suddenly energized. Kylo opened his mouth to say no… when he remembered that Hux was busy on a mission for the next couple of days, and Phasma was training her troops. There was always the option of leaving a Stormtrooper to take care of her, but ever since that Rey, the scavenger girl, broke out of the interrogation room using her newly-awoken Force powers, that wasn’t an option.

“... Get dressed,” he sighed. Padme squealed and hugged him, then ran towards the drawer that held her clothes. Putting on his mask, he walked over to where she was digging through the numerous items until she had the clothes she wanted. While he watched her, he was startled to realize that in his dream, he was only one year older than his daughter.

It wasn’t a dream, he knew in the back of his head. It was a memory; one of his first memories of Snoke talking to him, and of his Force Sensitivity awakening. _And_ , his traitorous mind reminded him, _the first time that Han Solo left you_.

“Papa, I’m done!” Padme chirped, shaking Kylo out of his thoughts. She was tugging on his tunic, her other hand clamped tightly around her Ewok’s paw.

Kylo picked Padme up silently, and she tucked her head under the chin of his mask. He was acutely aware that when he walked out of the quarters he would instantly be Kylo Ren: Dad, no matter if he was wearing the mask or not. It was a liability that came with the child.

Originally when her mother had left the infant with Kylo, the Supreme Leader had wanted her killed. It was only when General Hux brought up the point that the child was most likely Force-sensitive did Snoke see reason in keeping her. He ordered Kylo to raise and train her, not caring about if it made the Knight even worse of a mess. He was a wreck, those first two years. Kylo had to rely on Phasma, Hux, and numerous stormtroopers to get through the days.

“Lord Ren, Madame Padme,” a stormtrooper greeted Kylo, snapping him so violently out of his thoughts he almost got mental whiplash. Giving a tiny shake to his head, Kylo walked past the trooper, not acknowledging him. Padme enthusiastically waved at him, and Kylo pretended not to see the stormtrooper give a tiny wave back.

_**//your mama painted your room** _  
_**a shade of pink, she said** _  
_**but with your great arrival,** _  
_**that shade has turned to red.//** _

Kylo felt a tiny hand on his cheek, and then a small, quivery voice say, “Papa?”

He cracked one eye open to see that Padme was standing by his bed, lower lip trembling and eyes filled with tears.

“I-I had a dream that you had left and was gone forever and ever,” she whispered again, and inwardly Kylo groaned. Silently, he lifted up the sheet so that Padme could climb into the bed with him.

She tucked herself in, and once she stopped fidgeting he pulled her close by wrapping an arm around her. He was about to fall asleep again when he felt wetness on his forearm, and he looked down to see that Padme was crying.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he mumbled, voice heavy from sleep. She sniffled.

“But-but, I don’ know if you would come back,” Padme explained, voice breaking.

“Why are you worrying about this, Padme?” Kylo asked, tired of the conversation.

“Becau-because I don’t want you to leave like Mama,” she whimpered. Now Kylo was more awake and listening.

“Who told you about that?” He asked, trying to keep his voice soft.

“A sc-scary voice in my head told me. My head really hurt and it told me about Mama,” Padme answered, calming down but still clearly upset.

Kylo froze for a second. Padme was around the age that he was when Snoke had started talking to him, so why wouldn’t it happen? The Supreme Leader was wise; he had done it to Kylo as a child, and now look where he was. However, the only thing that Kylo didn’t have a child was support.

With this in his mind, Kylo squeezed Padme closer to him, placing a kiss on her forehead while she quietly cried.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too,” he whispered.

_**//Ruby, take my hand,** _  
_**please lead me to the promised land.** _  
_**Tell me, where am I from?** _  
_**Your eyes say,** _  
_**“shada de da dum.”//** _

Kylo was in a meeting, all eighteen officials crowded around a holophoto hovered in the middle of the round table.

The door opened behind Captain Phasma, her back to the door. Kylo only needed one glance to see who it was; he quickly turned his focus firmly back to the hologram.

It was a clearly uncomfortable stormtrooper, her helmet off. She was holding the hand of an sleepy, grumpy Padme.

“Papaaaa,” she whined. Kylo made a point not to look at his daughter, even when the others turned to look at him.

“I feel as if the new base should be on Umbara, as it has many advantages,” he continued on.

“PAPA!” Padme screeched, impatient and fed up that he was not acknowledging her. Kylo hardly dared breathe, hyper aware that he did not have his mask on currently. He felt the stares of all of the other seventeen officials around him.

The five year old started running towards him, but then she tripped. It seemed to happen in slow motion.

Padme crashed into the ground, and it was deathly silent for about two seconds. One of the generals sniggered; Kylo whipped his head around to glare in the direction that he heard it in. The three officals there cowered, but he couldn’t actually do anything to them before his daughter started crying.

This wasn’t a normal crying that was typical of the little girl; no, it was loud wailing accompanied by screaming. It was clear she was doing it for attention, but it didn’t make it any less piercing or annoying.

“Ren,” General Hux said calmly over Padme’s shrieking, “if you want to continue this meeting, I suggest that you calm your child.” He had a sort of smug smirk on his face, and Kylo would’ve sworn that money was passed around under the table.

Kylo was all too aware that his face was probably bright red from both embarrassment and anger. However, he stood up from the table and walked over to Padme, who had finished with her tantrum but was still pouting.

Holding her in his arms, he made an effort not to acknowledge her pout or underlying happiness that he was finally paying attention to her.

Once they were in his quarters, he set her down on the floor. Before she could do anything, he crouched in front of her and placed his gloved hands on her shoulders.

“Padme, what you did back there was not okay. You know that Papa is busy a lot, and I’m sorry for that,” Kylo started, talking over Padme’s now-happy babble. The smile slipped off her face, and soon the pout was back.

“However, you need to think on your actions. You’re going to stay here, and think of an apology to say to me, Mr. Hux and Ms. Phasma. Then, when you’re all calmed down and have an apology, you can come back and tell it to us. The stormtrooper will take you back here, where you’ll rest,” Kylo finished. Padme’s lower lip started to tremble, but with a stern look she stopped.

“Okay, Papa,” she grumbled. Kylo nodded once and got up, walking out of his quarters.

He made sure with one check through the Force that Padme wasn’t following him, and when he came back all of the officials seemed surprised.

“Welcome back, Lord Ren,” Captain Phasma was the first to speak, greeting Kylo with an incline of her head.

“I trust that you have made improvements to the decision of where to put the new base?” Kylo said curtly in response.

The meeting carried on for quite some time, and it had finished when the door whooshed open again to reveal Padme, this time with the Ewok in her hands.

“I trust that you have thought of an apology, Padme?” Kylo said lightly, shuffling the papers before him. He could tell that the others were intrigued by what was happening, as the quiet talking petered out.

“‘M sorry. For stopping your meeting, and making a big mess,” Padme mumbled, and Kylo raised an eyebrow at her choice of words.

“Thank you, Padme. The meeting is over now, so we can leave,” he told her, and they walked out of the room without acknowledging any of the others.

**_//Ruby, you’re royalty,_ **  
**_in your homeland they all call you ‘Queen’._ **  
**_Tell me, where are you from?_ **  
**_Your eyes say,_ **  
**_“shada de da dum.”//_ **

“She’s pretty!” Padme gasped, pointing wildly at the holophoto. Kylo softly chuckled, moving the photo closer so that she could ogle at it.

“Who’s that?” Padme breathed, reaching out to brush through the hologram. Her eyes were the size of saucers.

Kylo hesitated for a second. He had been telling Padme about his grandfather, as she had asked him. As they were going through the photos, one popped up that Kylo hadn’t expected.

“That’s Padme Amidala,” he explained, and Padme gasped even louder.

“She has my name!” she squealed, turning and beaming widely at Kylo. He couldn’t help but reciprocate.

“She’s my grandmother, your great-grandmother. She was a great politician, and your great-grandfather’s wife,” he continued. Padme nodded absentmindedly, still enamoured by the holophoto.

Kylo watched her for a little bit, before he got a fairly intrusive and ridiculous thought. It still appealed to him, however, so he acted on it.

“I can make you look like that,” he prompted, and Padme turned around so fast he had to steady her so she didn’t fall.

“Yes yes yes!” she shrieked, Kylo wincing at the volume of her enthusiastic voice.

“Okay,” he murmured, getting up along with Padme.

What was he thinking? He had no red or white paint, and certainly no experience when it came to makeup. But he had to try for Padme’s sake; she was all he had, and when she was happy, he was happy.

“Padme, why don’t you go to the bathroom while I get the paint?” he asked, and Padme nodded furiously before running. Immediately, Kylo went to the door of his and Padme’s quarters and opened it, relieved to see two stormtroopers walking past.

“You, the shorter one. I need your assistance,” he commanded, and they jumped slightly before nodding and coming over to him.

“What’s your number?” he asked tersely.

“SB-0204,” she said quickly.

“I need you to find a tube of red facepaint and white facepaint. Do not tell anyone who requested for them, especially General Hux or Captain Phasma,” Kylo said in a hushed voice, and the stormtrooper hesitated before nodding.

“Of course, Lord Ren,” she said in a quiet voice, then walked off.

“Papa, what are you doing?” Padme’s voice asked right behind him, and Kylo turned around only to see her huffily crossing her arms.

“Just sent a stormtrooper to get the paint, it’ll be alright,” he said, and Padme started to pout.

“But I want to be pretty now…” she whined, following Kylo as he walked out of the doorway.

“Here, let's look at more photos of Senator Padme,” he said, just to distract his daughter. It worked, and some time passed before there was a knock that announced the arrival of SB-0204.

“Thank you for your compliance,” Kylo said once the short trooper had passed him the supplies, and she politely saluted him before leaving.

“Yay!” Padme yelled, getting up from the table in the corner of the room.

“Let’s go into the bathroom,” Kylo said, and as the excited five year old ran there Kylo paused to take off the top layer of his clothes. He was _so_ not getting paint on these.

After lifting his daughter onto the counter, he squeezed some of the paint onto his hand. He had no idea how do this, but he would try.

“Stay still, Padme, and I’ll make you look like your great-grandmother,” Kylo said, and Padme complied.

She barely fidgeted through the whole process, even when Kylo had forgotten to let the white dry before putting on the red, making her face pink.

However, after many tests of Kylo’s abilities and patience, Padme’s face was made to look like her namesake, and two messy buns were placed on the sides of her head.

Kylo’s hands were covered with paint and he was sure he had some on his own face, but it was all worth it seeing Padme’s expression upon seeing herself in the mirror.

_**//You’re true and pure,** _  
_**you hold the cure.** _  
_**We’re all diseased,** _  
_**you hold the key.//** _

Padme peeked around the corner, eyes round as she saw all the stormtroopers fight the others in the colorful clothes. Papa had told her to stay in their room, but that was boring when there was so much going on outside.

She let out a squeak as she jumped out of the way of one of the bright lights coming her way. She remembered when Papa had gotten hit by one by accident when the stormtroopers were training; they hurt badly.

When she looked again, the stormtrooper was on the ground and the other person had left. She waited a bit for him to get up, but when he didn’t she shrugged.

He was probably sleeping.

Seeing troopers coming her way, Padme ran back to the room, getting back just in time. Papa came in just a second after, looking angry and scared.

“Padme, we’re leaving,” he said in a low voice. Leaving?

“What do you mean, leaving?” Padme asked.

“We’re not coming back, this planet isn’t safe anymore. Go, get Anakin, your Ewok, and your clothes,” he said, rushing to their room.

She followed his instructions, but after she had them in her arms he took them, stuffed them in a pack, and then picked her up. She began to cry, frightened and confused.

Papa didn’t comfort her, and when she looked to him he looked scary. She started to cry harder, and buried her face into Papa’s shoulder. They ran into one of Papa’s ships, and she saw Mr. Hux and Ms. Phasma with some stormtroopers, too. Papa let her down, and she immediately ran to Hux, hugging his legs.

“What did you do this time to make her cry?” Hux asked nastily, and in a split second Papa had him up against the wall, and his fist back like he was going to hurt him.

“No!” Phasma hissed, immediately pulling Papa away from Hux. Padme was sobbing by now, and she clutched at Hux’s coat, desperate for comfort.

“Hux, keep your comments to yourself, and for Maker’s sake, calm the child. Kylo, calm down. It will not help for you to explode right now,” Phasma continued, and even though Padme couldn’t see her face through the mask she knew she was angry.

Hux picked her up, and Padme, relieved from the contact, buried her face into his neck. She knew that Mr. Hux did not like her a lot, but it felt good to be hugged.

She suddenly heard a harsh scream from behind her, and a flash of light. She thought it was a laser from one of those guns; that the fighters had caught them. She jumped and screamed, terrified, and Hux gripped her tighter as he shouted.

“Ren! I will not have you kill any of my officers or destroy my equipment-” he started, but then stopped when there was a thud and then the weird humming sound had stopped.

She twisted around to see that one of the stormtroopers was on the ground, and a hole was in their chest. What?

“Take your child and go away from here. I will not have you jeopardize our safety because you are disappointed in yourself,” Hux hissed, and he shoved Padme into Papa’s arms, who she thought the scream had come from. His eyes were all glassy and weird, but when she settled her hand on the scar that split his face he jumped.

“I’m sorry if I scared you, Padme,” he said in a low voice that cracked on her name.

“‘S okay,” she mumbled, then wrapped her arms around him in a hug that he responded with squeezing her tight with trembling arms.

_**//You’re an angel fallen down,** _  
_**won’t you tell us of the clouds?** _  
_**You have fallen from the sky** _  
_**how high, how high?//** _

Padme wasn’t Force-Sensitive.

Well, she _was_ Force-Sensitive, but not to the levels where she could become a Jedi. More like his mother, Kylo thought bitterly.

This was a problem, as Snoke would certainly see this as a reason to get rid of the girl. _That was the reason you got to keep her at all_ , his traitorous mind seemed fit to remind him.

His face in his hands, Kylo didn’t feel the hand on his thigh until Padme’s sweet voice asked, “Are you sad?”

He looked up to see her wide green eyes staring at him, the only reminder of her mother. He flinched as a memory surfaced of her mother, and he angrily pushed it away. He was not going to think about her right now.

“I’m okay, Padme,” he said softly, and affectionately tousled her short, wavy hair.

She giggled, and then climbed onto his lap. She took one of his hands and spread the fingers, inspecting every bump and running her tiny fingers over every scar. He watched her do it, immortalizing her in this state.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” her voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he focused on her face again. She had a serious expression on her face.

“Absolutely,” he said, and leaned forward to kiss her nose. She smiled happily, and he inwardly sighed.

_You will not die_ , Kylo promised Padme silently.

_**//You’re an angel fallen down,** _  
_**won’t you tell us of the clouds?** _  
_**You have fallen from the sky** _  
_**how high, how high?//** _

Rey wasn’t quite sure why Kylo Ren had defected, but when Luke, Leia and her felt a tremendous disturbance in the Force, they somehow knew it was him.

As Luke, Rey, Finn, Poe, and Leia landed on Umbara, the shadowy planet was littered with various levels of destruction, and they found the mortally wounded Kylo Ren laying beside the destroyed throne of Supreme Leader Snoke. The leader himself was nowhere to be seen.

“Why do you think he did it?” Rey had asked Luke in horror, staring at the former Knight of Ren.

“I don’t know, Rey. I don’t know,” Luke replied gravely, watching as the unconscious form of his nephew was carried to the Millennium Falcon by Finn and Poe.

When they landed back on D’Qar, Kylo was barely alive, and he still hadn’t woken up when he was rushed to the med bay.

He ended up losing a leg and had severe damage to his vocal cords, lungs and ribs. Outside of the med bay, Leia fought to keep him from having a death sentence. What was the point, she argued, when he was already so close to death already? The guilt from his past actions would be punishment enough.

After he first woke up, he was frantic; he had tried to get up, and attempted to shout for someone when he started to cough viciously. He spent the rest of his time awake almost lethargic, following the doctor’s instructions but not putting his effort behind the actions.

It hurt Rey to watch him, her enemy, struggle.

“R...ey,” he said one day, startling the woman. His voice was hoarse and whispery - it sounded like it hurt him to talk at all.

“What?” she said, much harsher than she intended. He flinched, and sort of shook his head before continuing.

“I’m… sorry,” Kylo started, but then started to cough harshly. Unable to stand seeing him in pain, she walked over to his bedside table and handed him the glass of water. He drank gratefully, then set down the glass and cleared his throat. He winced.

“I’m sorry for ruining your life,” he said again, his voice much clearer, albeit so quiet that she had to lead forward to hear him.

Before she could stop herself, she said, “You didn’t ruin my life.” He sort of laughed, a short, pained intake of breath before he settled back on his pillow, staring into space.

She watched him for a bit before walking around, wondering why he was so sad.

-

When Kylo was finally released from the med bay, he honestly didn’t know what to do. He had a room that his mother had picked out for him, he knew where the cafeteria was, and his new mechanical leg wasn’t malfunctioning at all.

Still, it hurt to see people down the halls glare at him and obviously whisper about him behind hands. He felt sort of numb to it, though. He had failed Padme. That was all the pain he needed.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” A pilot planted herself in front of Kylo, glaring at him and jabbing a finger in his chest. He winced; his ribs were still thoroughly bruised.

“Excuse me?” he replied, voice still painfully quiet and hoarse. Damn it.

“‘Excuse me?’” she mocked, and Kylo could see where this was going before it actually happened.

She reached out and shoved Kylo, and he fell backwards before he awkwardly caught himself. Before she could do anything more, however, he saw another pilot come up to the woman. With a jolt, he recognized him as Poe Dameron.

“What are you doing?” Poe asked her abruptly, scowling. Why was he defending Kylo? He had done terrible things to him, after all.

“He needs to pay for what he did-” The woman began, but Poe cut her off.

“And General Organa said to leave him be. I think her instructions were clear enough, don’t you?” Poe countered, raising an eyebrow. Ah, so he wasn't defending him, he was following his mother’s orders. Strangely enough, Kylo had a sense of relief at this.

The female pilot made a sort of growling noise, before stomping off. Poe sighed and stared after her a while, before turning to Kylo.

“Sorry about her. She’s been strongly against the First Order ever since her sister was taken by them,” Poe explained, and Kylo jumped a bit at the sound of his voice.

“Why did you defend me?” Kylo blurted out, regretting it instantly. Poe looked at him with an unidentifiable expression for a moment before speaking again.

“Because I may not have forgiven you for what you’ve done, but no one deserves to be treated badly for things they regret. Especially when you’ve clearly lost something dear to you.”

Kylo and Poe sat in silence, Kylo shocked. Did Poe know about Padme? Kylo was about to ask him when Poe spoke first.

“Are you going to change your name back to Ben Solo?” he said, and Kylo was surprised to find that he had an answer for his former friend.

“I meant what I said that Ben Solo was dead. But Kylo Ren is virtually dead as well. I’ve thought about taking my grandmother’s last name, honestly,” He said, finding it strange how he was telling this to Poe Dameron, who he hadn’t seen for the last twenty years.

“Amidala?” Poe said, intrigued. Kylo nodded. Padme surfaced in the back of his mind at the mention of the name, remembering her excitement in learning about the original Padme Amidala. He pushed the image away.

  
“Kylo Amidala. Ben Amidala. Are you going to wear the clothes, too?” Poe said teasingly. “What about Solo-Skywalker-Organa-Amidala?”

“That’s a mouthful,” Kylo mumbled.

Poe laughed, and Kylo felt better about the situation for a fleeting moment. He may have lost Padme, but not everyone in the base hated him.

-

“Hey, do you know where Kylo is?” Poe asked Finn, and the former stormtrooper’s head snapped up at the mention of the Force user.

“I don’t know,” Finn answered. Poe frowned.

“Could you go look for him? I have to go to a meeting with the General and Rey refuses to do anything near him,” he asked, and Finn tamped down the rising feeling of fear.

“Sure,” Finn replied, getting up and trying to still the tremor in his hands.

Poe clapped him on the shoulder, then left. Finn took a deep breath, and started to search.

He had only been looking for a few minutes before he heard a strange sound, akin to a stifled sob.

Peeking his head around the corner to peer into the room where he had originally heard the sound, Finn widened his eyes at the sight of Kylo.

Kylo was curled in the corner, hand covering his mouth as he sobbed. Finn looked around the room, and saw a holophoto of one of the old Republic’s senators. Why was Kylo crying about an old senator?

Kylo lifted his head slightly, and Finn froze in the doorway. Kylo’s eyes focused on him, and they narrowed slightly.

Finding his voice, Finn shakily said, “Poe wanted me to find you.”

“Well. You found me,” Kylo said in an equally shaky voice, and his voice cracked  
on the last word.

Deciding not to comment on that Kylo was crying, or that the cause of his tears  
was an old holophoto, Finn walked over and offered his hand to Kylo. The Force user took it, and got up from the floor, wiping at his eyes.

He straightened up to his full height, but despite the attempt to look intimidating, Finn could see that Kylo’s hands were trembling and his eyes were still brimming with tears.

Before he could regret his decision, Finn stepped forward and hugged Kylo. The taller man stiffened for a moment before reciprocating the hug.

Finn could feel Kylo shaking and his tears soaking the back of his shirt, but Finn found it in himself not to say anything.

_**//Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”//** _

“C’mon, Ren. We’re supposed to be training,” the impatient voice of Rey told him, and he shook his head.

“It’s Amidala-Organa now, technically,” He said, gripping the hilt of the lightsaber tighter. The new purple lightsaber he had built was much stabler than the other one, but the old one had been connected to him in a way. This new lightsaber felt too new, too foreign.

“You’re still Kylo Ren to me, no matter if you’ve changed your name or not, _Kylo Amidala-Organa_. Plus, it’s such a pain to say,” she spat from between clenched teeth, swinging her double-ended lightsaber at Kylo. He blocked the swing, retaliating with a jab toward her abdomen that she easily blocked.

She still hadn’t forgiven Kylo for his past actions, remaining stubborn even when he gained Poe’s trust and eventually FN - _Finn’s_ trust. She caught his lightsaber in a lock, both of their purple blades sparking from the contact while the yellow end of her lightsaber was facing the ground.

“Guys! Stop! There’s someone from the First Order that just flew into the base!” Poe shouted, bursting in from the doors. Kylo turned off his lightsaber as Rey stepped back, doing the same.

They ran after the fighter pilot, Kylo’s thoughts running a mile a minute. _What if it’s her? No, it’s been a year… She would be dead by now…_ Kylo thought to himself, and he tamped down the rising feeling of optimism.

As they ran into the control room of the base, a crowd was already gathering. Kylo, being the taller individual, could see Captain Phasma’s rarely-seen face covered in cuts, and he pushed further in the crowd to see, only to stop dead in his tracks.

No. It couldn’t be, he swore he felt her die when Snoke left him by the throne…

“Papa!” Padme cried, running towards Kylo in one of the uniforms used by the trainee stormtroopers.

Kylo lowered himself to his knees to hug Padme tightly. He was startled to find tears were running down his cheeks. Stifling a sob, he clutched at his daughter, and she didn’t say if he was crushing her. The crowd had gone quiet, and and could feel that the people previously surrounding him had stepped away.

“Papa, I missed you,” Padme whispered, and then she tugged his face so that she could see him. Face set in a painfully familiar pout, she wiped away his tears. “All better.”

He smiled tearily, before hugging her again.

He heard his mother’s voice behind him, and so he lifted his head to turn around and look at her.

“You have a daughter?” Leia asked in shock, looking at the five - _six_ year old girl, Kylo reminded himself. He got up from his place on the floor, painfully aware of the drying tears on his cheeks and puffy eyes.

“Yes… this is Padme,” Kylo said in a stiff voice, and Padme looked curiously at Leia.

“Padme? Like Padme Amidala?” Leia queried, a spark of humor and something else behind her eyes.

“Correct,” Kylo said while Padme gasped at the mention of her ancestor's name.

“The-the pretty girl!” she said in wonder, looking up at her father. Leia smiled, and Kylo could see that Poe, Finn, and even Rey were staring at him in confusion and curiosity. Turning to look back at Padme, he softly smiled.

“That’s right,” he replied.

-

Rey had never actually seen Kylo smile before, so it was a shock to see him beaming ear to ear these days.

Especially when the cause of that smile was his _daughter_.

Honestly, even if the child had ended up be to dead it would’ve helped to know that Kylo Ren (There was no way she was ever calling him Amidala-Organa), her enemy, had a daughter. It solidified her mistrust of him even more.

Although, Padme was pretty cute.

“Miss Rey! Miss Rey!” Padme yelled after the woman, and Rey paused to let the six year old catch up to her. Her eyes were shining, and she was clutching a crumpled piece of paper in her hand.

“What’s that?” Rey asked, puzzled at the sight of the paper. Beaming proudly, Padme held up the wrinkled piece of paper so that Rey could see.

It was a messy but detailed drawing depicting Rey holding Padme’s hand, and around the border was the misspelled message, “You’re my friend!”

Rey felt her heart soften a bit more for the girl.

Then, Kylo appeared at the edge of her vision, and instantly Rey was put on edge.

“Padme, what did you make for Rey?” Kylo said in the voice he only used for the small girl, and Padme shifted so that her father could see the drawing as well. Rey tried to tamp down the surge of affection when Kylo’s eyes lit up.

“That’s such a good drawing, Padme,” Kylo complimented, and the little girl pulled down the drawing to reveal her smile that outshone a thousand suns.

“Thanks, Papa!” Padme chirped, and ran off to show Phasma, who was talking to General Organa at the other end of the hall. Rey started walking again, but jumped about a foot in the air when Kylo spoke in her ear.

“Why do you still not trust me?” he murmured, and Rey took a step to make space between the two. Kylo didn’t do anything, but waited for an answer.

“I won’t forgive you for your past actions,” Rey replied, staring up at Kylo defiantly.

“Poe’s forgiven me, Finn’s forgiven me, my mother’s forgiven me, even that pilot that confronted me when I first got out of the medbay has forgiven me. It’s been a year, Rey, I think that in that amount of time you would find it in you to do it as well,” Kylo said, exasperated.

“It’ll take something like saving my life for me to even consider forgiving you,” Rey snarled, and stomped away. She didn’t linger to see Kylo’s thoughtful face.

**_//You’re an angel._ **  
**_You’re an angel._ **  
**_You’re an angel._ **  
**_You’re an angel._ **  
**_You’re an angel.//_ **

The Resistance should’ve been better prepared for the First Order’s retaliation; after all, Kylo had not succeeded in defeating Snoke, and two of the Order’s best leaders had left. That was not an offense to take lightly.

Rey swiped her lightsaber at the stormtroopers approaching her, trying not to think of the faces behind the masks. She had already suffered a blaster wound to the thigh and another to her shoulder; thank the Maker it wasn’t her dominant shoulder. She was using a small amount of the Force to keep the blood from flowing so freely, but she still felt light-headed.

Additionally, it was becoming increasingly harder to wield the lightsaber. It was built to be used with a two handed grip, not a loose, one-handed grip. It also didn’t help that there seemed to be an endless amount of stormtroopers.

Rey twirled the saber, double ends getting rid of the two stormtroopers closest to her. There was a boom from the X-wings and TIE-fighters battling up above, and Rey hoped that Poe wasn’t the one shot down.

As she blocked a blaster shot from a trooper that was quickly felled by her weapon, another one caught her off guard by hitting her calf, on the opposite side of the already injured one. She crumpled to the ground with a cry, and the stormtroopers rushed her.

Before she could make her last stand, however, Rey’s view was suddenly blocked by a dark-clothed individual. With a single-bladed purple lightsaber.

“I don’t need your saving,” Rey snapped, and unsteadily got to her feet. She swiped at the stormtroopers, succeeding in taking two down before her legs buckled under her weight.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good. You’re going to kill yourself,” Kylo snarled back, and he swiped his lightsaber in a wide arc that got rid of all the stormtroopers closed to them.

He turned to Rey, and momentarily turned off his lightsaber to help her. She tried to protest and to push him away as he picked her up, bridal style, so like that fateful day on Takodana long ago.

Rey only had the time to register that his embrace was warm and comforting before she fell unconscious.

-

Rey jolted awake, sitting upright before she acknowledged the pain in her shoulder and the bandages wrapping the wound tightly.

Falling back onto the pillows with an annoyed grumble, Rey turned her head. To her surprise, Kylo was there, awkwardly curled up on the chair beside her. He was asleep, and Rey moved her head to bit to see Padme sleeping next him in the other chair.

She was suddenly hit with a wave of emotions that she couldn’t fully understand; happiness, adoration, annoyance, and something that felt like a kind of melancholy sadness.

She shifted a bit, but with that tiny movement a bolt of red-hot pain ran up her thigh and calf. She hissed, trying to be quiet, but Kylo woke anyway, his head snapping up from his shoulder.

“You’re awake,” he said groggily, voice heavy with sleep. He sat up further, and the girl beside him sighed before adjusting her head and continuing to sleep.

“Did we win?” Rey asked, dying to know. Kylo understood unspoken question of if Poe and Finn survived.

“Yeah, the Resistance won. Poe and Finn have been dying to see you, as well as this one,” Kylo answered, gesturing to Padme.

They sat in silence for a moment, before Rey broke it.

“I - I guess that I forgive you now,” she said quietly, so quietly that Kylo barely heard it.

“Excuse me?” Kylo asked, cocking his head.

Rey mumbled it again.

“One more time,” he requested, eyes narrowing.

“I forgive you, okay?” Rey burst, volume still quiet as to not disturb Padme. Kylo smiled.

“Well, I’m glad. It’s about time,” Kylo teased, but stopped when he saw the serious expression on Rey’s face.

“I mean it. Poe and Finn are the only ones who I definitely know would carry me from a battlefield like that. I don’t trust many people like this,” Rey admitted, looking at her hands.

There wasn’t a reply from Kylo for a moment, but then Rey saw his hand come and settle on her own twisting ones.

“I’m glad that you can find it in you to trust me like that, then,” Kylo replied, sincere.

_**//Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**Tell our dad, “I’m sorry.”** _  
_**You’re an angel.//** _

Rey opened the door to Kylo’s quarter’s mouth open, ready to ask him to go down to the control room, when she stopped dead in her tracks.

Kylo was holding Padme down and tickling her, pressing kisses to her cheeks and forehead. Padme was squealing with laughter, squirming from underneath her father’s hold.

“Papa! Stop it!” she giggled, pressing a hand to Kylo’s face to push him away.

“I think you like me tickling you,” Kylo teased, smirking. Padme shrieked with laughter as Kylo suddenly turned his face down to blow a raspberry on her stomach. She kicked and squirmed, and the volume of her laughter turned up as Kylo continued to tickle her sides.

Rey couldn’t help the fond smile, and she turned to leave just as Kylo noticed her presence.

“Hello, Rey. What are you doing here?” Kylo asked casually, as if commenting on the weather. Padme giggled.

“Well, I was going to get you for the meeting below, but as I see that you’re busy with important matters, I’ll go,” Rey replied.

Kylo leaned down to whisper in Padme’s ear, and the girl giggled even more at what he said. Rey watched in cautious curiosity, wondering what they were conspiring about.

All of a sudden, Rey was Force-pushed away from the doorway as the door snapped shut. She landed awkwardly on the floor, and she propped herself up on her elbows.

“What-” Rey started to say, but then was interrupted by Kylo pinning her down.

It was a startling second before it clicked that he was tickling _her_. Rey let out a high-pitched squeal, and clapped her hand over her mouth. Padme joined in on the ticklish torture, and Rey released her mouth to try and push away the offending hands. Her loud laughter filled the room as well as Padme’s giggles and Kylo’s soft chuckle.

Gasping for breath, Rey lifted herself up slightly from the floor, and started to tickle Kylo. His undignified snort of laughter sent Rey laughing again. Padme, delighted, turned on Kylo as well.

Kylo squirmed beneath the little girl and woman, laughing uproariously. His hand shot out and caught Rey in the ribs, and she shrieked from the contact. Smirking at the victory, Kylo caught his other hand in the crook of Padme’s neck. The little girl let out a screech louder than all of the others.

They all collapsed on the floor, laughing and panting for breath. Kylo’s hand fell in Padme’s hair, and he wove his fingers through it for a second until she shifted.

“I suppose you’re missing the meeting, then?” Rey asked from her position on the floor. Kylo smiled.

“And so are you,” he pointed out, and Rey made an accepting huff.

“It wasn’t that important, anyway,” she grumbled, and Kylo chuckled. Padme didn’t really get why that was funny, but laughed with her father anyway.

Outside the window of the room, there was a blue, see-through woman gazing through the window. She was sadly smiling, and watching the scene play. The three didn’t seem to notice her.

She had flowers in her hair.

**Author's Note:**

> I want a Padme in my life. Y'know, not the parenting thing, but the adorable child that is fascinated with all that I do. 
> 
> Maybe I should actually stop having anxieties over children first.
> 
> Anyway, if you want to hear my ramblings about this story and numerous other things, my Tumblr is under the same name. I hope you enjoyed reading, and please comment! It makes my day a thousand times better :)


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